I haven’t updated you all much about my Rosacea journey recently, the main is that I have “recovered” quite well from it. Well, if you ask me whether my skin is exactly like my prime time, I would say “no”; but if you ask me if my skin looks/ feels a lot better than when I was first diagnosed with Rosacea, my answer would be “yes”! Due to this journey, I have come to talk to quite a few of you who have the same issue or other skin conditions and we got to cheer for each other. That is the silver lining, right? And also due to this journey, I have come to realize how irritating or disturbing or even frustrating some of the skin conditions could be, this somehow inspires me to write this post and hope to round up my journey (I sincerely hope that I will never have to have another vlog series about a skin condition, and the same goes to you).
Everything Happens for a Reason
Here we go again, the same saying coming out from my mouth. Honestly if anyone tells me “everything happens for a reason” at the start of my journey (my most fragile moment), I probably would end up screaming at that person and accusing him/ her for not understanding my situation. I did nothing wrong, I took care of my skin, I tried to give my skin the best I could possibly give…etc. WHY WHY WHY??!! There wasn’t possibly a reason that I could find to justify the situation at the time. However, when I calmed down, I started to see senses, I started to understand and I started to be grateful. When I talked to so many of you with skin conditions, the first question I asked was, “are you stressed in anyway shape or form?” All of you replied me that you either were stressed by work or family. I smiled, because I was the same and I didn’t even notice it. When my Rosacea started, my dad was in the hospital, I went there everyday to visit him; I was also really busy with my online material schedule – YouTube videos, Instagram pictures, Facebook updates…you name it; it was also a really busy time for Hakme Beauty stores because it was in November, and we were running Christmas promotions and I needed to ensure various stock arrived on time. I thought my life was totally normal and I didn’t know my stress level was about to explode. I thought I was in control but my body was telling me that I wasn’t. I thought I was managing but somewhere along the line, something told me otherwise. Voila, then Rosacea decided to appear on my face!! After the initial shock, I know I need to change. Now if I talk to any of you with the same condition, I would say, “it’s good that the stress appears on your face because you can see it and you can make necessary adaptation; if it’s somewhere internally, then it would be even worst”! The reason that I say this is not trying to be nice or brush the matter under the carpet. I genuinely tell myself this and I honestly believe in what I say (otherwise I wouldn’t say it). At least now I know I am stressed, right? I can see stress coming out on my face, and I can do something about it and about my lifestyle. If I don’t see it, I can’t do anything, can I? So observe your body, it doesn’t lie.
Chilling is Not A Sin
For many of you who have followed me for a good while, you will know how much I work and how much pressure I put on delivering my commitment. I am a typical Capricorn so I love working to start, strangely, it makes me feel productive and useful. More importantly, I don’t feel like I am wasting time sitting around trying to “relax”. When I sit there just doing nothing, I feel guilty, I feel like I haven’t utilized my time wisely and I feel like something is telling me “relaxing” is wrong. Even when I just sit and browse online, my brain is still working, “these products seem interesting, I should get my hands on them to review”, “this blog post is inspiring, do I have similar experience to share?” “This picture looks really nice, how can I learn to take better photos?”…etc. I couldn’t remember a time when I just sit and enjoy listening to music or just sit and not force myself coming up with more content. You see, I believe in pushing myself to get the results that I want in life. And as I said in my book “if I don’t have the intelligence like other people, then I have to spend more time and energy to get to where I want to be.” Now I need to chill in order not to get too stressed? I didn’t know how to without feeling bad about the whole idea. But again, I force myself to chill. When there is a will, there is a way. I keep telling myself that chilling is for my mental and physical wellbeing. I tell myself that only with proper relaxation, my mind can rest and my body can reset, only then, I can have the mental and physical capabilities to drive the results that I am envisioning in life. At first the concept was quite alien, like I need to try to drink a cup of tea without thinking about a million work things, I literally have to politely ask my brain to focus on the freaking tea that I was drinking – “live in the tea moment, will you?”. Hilarious! Honestly, I haven’t mastered the art of relaxation just yet, I am still learning. There are days whereby I could have a 15 minute solid chill time and there are days where I would jump up and down for the whole day completely forgetting I need to relax. That’s fine. Being a workaholic is in my blood and it will take a bit of time for me to adjust. I am getting there and I hope you do too.
Confidence is Internal and Not External
I used to wear makeup all the time whenever I went out. You wouldn’t see me bare face walking down the streets. I guess partly it’s because I love this thing called makeup and also part of me think I just look more put together when I wear makeup. With my Rosacea, my skin was so dry to the point that it was really flaky. Putting makeup on made it look 10 times worse! Now let me ask you, what’s the point of trying to cover something when only what you are doing is making it way more obvious? Doesn’t make sense, right? So I stopped hiding, I stopped frustrating myself plucking dead skin on top of my makeup, and I stopped worrying. I remember the day that I stopped putting on makeup, I was quite pissed off, I was like, “oh what the hell! I spend 15 minutes putting shit on just to make it look even worse! Forget it!” With that thought, I stopped. I am not going to lie, I was upset and I was even more self aware because I felt like makeup couldn’t do its magic this time. My face was so red and bumpy and flaky that I hallucinated everyone on the street would be looking my way, I scared myself half dead even before going out of that bloody door. I also imagined if some of you saw me in the street, you must thought that my skin was really shit in real life. Hey, but guess what? Fear is there to stop you from getting out of your comfort zone, once you pump up enough courage to step out, you put fear back to sleep. I remember the first day I went out with bare face, it was a revelation for me! “No one is looking at me!” “No one said anything!” “No one cares!” It was truly liberating! Only then I knew I blew things out of proportion! It’s because I care how I look so much that I think everyone would be the same! Hell no. NO ONE CARES!!! I was a happy bunny. I think for around 2-3 months, I went out either without makeup or just with a tiny bit of concealer and powder. I was no longer self-conscious and even some people said to me that my skin was as dry as Sahara Desert, it didn’t bother me! I know I am fighting my own battle and I know I am the same person; my skin wasn’t the best representation of me but it didn’t mean that it affected my ability and my brain power in anyway. I regain my confidence and I know I am ME whether I have good skin, bad skin or just OK skin. It really doesn’t matter. People don’t know your story and you won’t be broadcasting everything that you are going through to the world anyway, so it shouldn’t affect your confidence. Now my skin is a lot better and of course I do put makeup on when I go out, but now it’s not about hiding imperfections, it’s simply because I enjoy the process and I like that different colours give me different vibes! I would still happily go out with my bare face just like I did when I was in USA.
Mental Wellbeing and Balance is More Important Than What You Eat/Do or Not Eat/Do
From the start of the journey, so many people tell me I shouldn’t eat beef, I shouldn’t exercise, I shouldn’t put makeup on, I should use an umbrella when I am out, I should not eat spicy food and I should not…(omit 10,000 words). I know all come from a place of good heart and care but honestly I did carry on my normal life/ food routine. Of course my Rosacea is under control hugely because of the laser treatment! However, apart from getting my laser treatment once a month, my life routine hasn’t changed that much (apart from me trying to chill from time to time). I believe in balance diet and everything in moderation, I don’t freak out about what I eat or don’t eat. To be honest with you, my skin condition and my work were stressful enough, if I had to stress about my food, the sun, the exercise, it would be way too much for me to handle, not to mention not being able to carry on eating the food that I love and the exercise routine that I tried so hard to make it a habit of mine, I would go insane. I didn’t need more stress, so I just continued my life as if I was normal. I focused my energy on “trying to chill” because to me that was the root of the cure. Everyone is different, I am not saying you need to follow what I do and not do. What I am trying to say is that people would give you advice and suggestions all the time, only you know what’s best for you. To me, I chose to work on my metal wellbeing instead of external factors. BTW, I also believe in looking inward first to fix the root cause before looking externally. And there you go, my Rosacea has been under control once I was able to pinpoint the root cause and do something about it.
Seeing It as a Sign instead of Seeing It as a Devastation
This kinda echos to “Everything Happens for a Reason”. Our brains can be re-programmed if we tell them to. I know it’s daunting when you first receive the news, but please try to see it as a sign that you need to find out what’s not working or what’s not in balance in your life. I heard many people seeing skin conditions as devastation and it greatly saddens me. I have been there, I know how it feels. It was a really dark place. From experience, I can tell you, it’s a vicious cycle! The more you worry about it, the worst it will become. The more you see it as devastation, the more it will devastate you! If I tell you that you only have 10 hours left on earth, would you still be worrying about your skin? Or would you go out and have fun with your family and friends? I did tell myself the same too and I chose the latter. As I always say, “I am still living, I am still breathing, so it’s not my time to go yet! If it’s not my time yet, then let’s make every moment count!” No one knows you like you do, spending your precious time understanding what’s going on with your body and brain, then fixing it using a way that’s suitable for you is way way WAY more fruitful in the long run than mourning over the facade of a situation.
———— OUTFIT DETAILS ————
Top: Mango (link)
Jeans: H&M
Shoes: Chloe Lauren Scalloped Espadrilles in Tan (link)
Sunglasses: Gentle Monster Big Bully in Gold (link)
Necklace: Tiffany & Co.
Ear-rings: Dior
Bracelets: Dinh Van Bracelet, Cartier Love Bracelet (blog) & DPT Endless Diamonds Bracelet (link)
Watch: Apple Watch
