When I started this blog in 2009, I used this as a great escape from my reality, immersing myself with something that I love to do or talk about instead of focusing on the full-of-shit life cycle that I was once in. I have said a few times before that writing on here gives me peace and I feel like I am needing it for the past few days, so I switch on my computer on and I am typing away. Here we go:-
For those of you who have been following my Instagram (@iamhakme), you probably know that my Dad had been admitted into the hospital once again a few days ago. This time it was something that I had never seen before, long story short, it was like an internal bleeding situation due to his blood was too thin (layman term to make things a bit more simple). For the past few months, different doctors kept tweaking his blood thickness, it’s a tricky situation – when his blood is too thin, there would the possibility of internal bleeding situation; when his blood is too thick, there could be the possibility of having a stroke. So neither is good. Somehow one doctor gave him a double of the dosage of the blood thinning tablets due to his blood was too thick a few months back, ever since, they keep adjusting his medicine and his blood clogging level has never been really on point. As his daughter, I am concerned and I am mega frustrated. I just said on IG that I couldn’t even properly describe the frustration with words. The best I could say is that it’s like a background chatter, it never truly goes away no matter what you do or not do. He is stable for now, but the truth is I never know how long it’s going to be like this. Numerous times of blood draws, countless times of hospital visits; sometimes I don’t even know if I would be able to go through all those myself not to mention a senior citizen. I have been having a quite few different emotions running through me and I have to admit that none of them was a good feeling. The most crazy thing is that when I go see him, I can see that though he is annoyed with the situation and the forever-changing-of medicine, he chooses to keep it together and he chooses to laugh at the situation just to keep things light-hearted. I used the word “CHOOSE” because I know how easy it is for anyone in the same situation to be kicking and yelling, I know how easy it is to just lose it, and I know how easy it is to lose hope and just give up! It takes self-control to embrace the situation and focus on getting well.
I have enough hospital visits for the past so many years to see the world around me. I have heard families yelling their heads off because they are frustrated with the patients, I have seen the annoyed looks on their faces, I have felt some of their strong negative emotions towards the sick patients. I know. I know it’s difficult. But think about this, are you going through more hardships or are the patients going through more pain and nuisance? It’s not easy for you and it’s not easy for them either. Who wants to be staying in the hospital and be bothered constantly about different check ups regardless you are sleeping or not? Who wants to be sick? Who doesn’t want to be healthy? Even the most health conscious person could get sick at any time, so when it’s comes to sickness, it’s not a choice we could all make. We can take care of ourselves, and we can ensure only that much. I also know the other side of the stories, some patients are hard to deal with, some patients don’t listen to advices, and some patients are so frustrated to the point it makes your visiting difficult and put your good will to drain. But getting frustrated or entering into argument won’t help anyone to get better. I know all of you reading this probably won’t do this, and I know all of you have really good hearts; but we are all human, and the special thing about being human is that we make mistakes and we have strong emotions. If you have anyone who is sick, please don’t project your frustration onto them, please acknowledge and protect their feelings. It’s difficult for you and it’s even more difficult for them. Be a cheerleader and give them encouragement, tell them things are going to be fine even though you worry about shit deep down in your heart. I don’t know how many times I keep saying to my Dad “yea it’s fine”, “yea it’s trivial”, “yea you are going to get better after this”, “yea this is just normal procedure that they want to ensure you are well again”…etc. When I say these things and look at his eyes, he usually is not convinced at first, but with enough blahing on with the same positive sentence, he would believe the good shit that I say. And, when he believes it, he gets motivation to carry on – that’s exactly what we all want.
For those who are younger readers, I know you might not have felt the intensity of what I feel (I am an oldie btw) about this vicious cycle called life. It’s easy to get absorbed in your flowery world because you are exploring and you constantly have stuff to do or distract you. Find some time, stop, look at your parents or grandparents even. Do you notice that they are not getting any younger each year. It’s when you stop and look, you will realise what I am talking about. We all have a busy life and it’s not easy to make ourselves stop and look. It’s easy to let what we so called “normal world” consumes us and ignore what really is important; and it’s also very easy to say “I’m busy, I don’t have time”. Babe, time is finite, so you need to “make time”. I am going to challenge you now to stop and look, if your heart agrees “true, they are really not getting any younger…”; then I challenge you further to make time for them this week. Do something simple that you all enjoy. Talk, go shopping, have dim sum…whatever! Just do something and spend some quality time together. I feel that this is not taught in school and if I feel like I am your big sister, then I feel the need to challenge you here. We all worry too much about how many marks to score in school rather than the people around us! We all focus too much on academic results rather than life lessons. Let me tell you now, don’t you worry. If your heart is in the right place, you will go far in life no matter how much or how little scores you have. As I always say, in life, your attitude is far more important than your scores.
Enough ramble on. Now I should go, put on the above uniform to visit my Dad and see the doctor (tweak his meds again). Why the above uniform you might ask? I feel like I gotta do something to cheer myself up so that I can take on this cheerleader role “professionally”, since red is my lucky colour, I thought it would help! I intend to wear this outfit until my Dad gets released from the hospital. So if you see me in this outfit in the next few days (of course I will wash them), you know why.
For those who accept the challenge, feel free to let me know how things go with you through a private message, as usual, you know where to find me and I would love to hear from your personal story.
———— OUTFIT DETAILS ————
Top: Zara
Jeans: Zara
Shoes: Gucci Dad Shoes
Sunglasses: Gentle Monster Big Bully in Silver (link)
Watch: Rolex
Bracelets: Dinh Van Bracelet, Cartier Love Bracelet (blog) & DPT Endless Diamonds Bracelet (link)
Handbag: Gucci Ophidia Small GG Supreme Shoulder Bag (link)
